So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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