3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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