we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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