Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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