anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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