i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish my penis had a tongue
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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