I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
