hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
