Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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