DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize