I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
