oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
