Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize