3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
