Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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