My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
