New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
