We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize