I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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