I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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