Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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