FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
