a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
