hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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