Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize