he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
