Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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