It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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