when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
third nipple confirmed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
