ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
