She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize