At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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