Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
