I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
