if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
