Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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