What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
