i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
