i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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