u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
