Screwed.edu
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
