one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
