Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
