im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
