Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
