yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
