i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
