u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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