I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
