Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize