awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
