We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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