eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
