i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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