Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
