Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
