Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
