oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
