I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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