Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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