I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
