If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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