TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
