don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This baby is an asshole
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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