I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
