Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
