dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
