I wish i was in the wii world.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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