Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize