I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
