We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
