I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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