So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize