He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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