Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
