Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
