yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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