I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
