if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
