He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
