Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
