I will die if light touches me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
