What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
