I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
