If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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