Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize