Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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