God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
