my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
