I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
