I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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