I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
