You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
