I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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