So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
