Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
