only if we run a train.
done.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
