Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She bit a glass in half.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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