Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
