Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
