Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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