I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
