No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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