That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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