I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
