went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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