Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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