Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
