last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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