I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
