just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I look better un-naked...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Vodka?
Forever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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