Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
