dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
